Blimey…look at that, I’m a No.1 best-selling author on Amazon.com. Okay, it’s in a subcategory (Lawyers and Criminals/Humor) and it doesn’t mean masses in terms of sales but there are 2.8 million Kindle books on Amazon so I’m still pleased with myself!
There you go, my book I Really Really Want at no.1! Here’s the blurb and a link if you want to buy (go on, you know you do!).
AUTHORS NOTE: The events described in this book are true, exactly as told to me by an extraordinary celebrity agent before his fall from grace and imprisonment on fake, trumped up charges. I have changed only names and locations to protect the innocent – and the guilty.
“Excellent writing. Fresh, engaging and pushing the boundaries. It’s written by someone who has obviously worked in the celebrity industry he describes and provides a fascinating left-field insight into a glamorous but tawdry world.” U.S. REVIEWS
AUTHOR’S WARNING. Please note, as previously mentioned this is a true story. It reflects bad people doing bad things and features a high degree of profanity and some scenes that are violent or sexual in nature. I make no apologies for that; ‘the truth is rarely plain and never simple’ – and usually ugly.
Celebrities have secrets. Meet the man who knows them all and will do anything to keep them quiet. Even murder.
Andrew Manning has spent 20 years masterfully reviving celebrity careers that have been rocked by scandal, but now some particularly difficult and demanding characters are about strain even his abilities to the limit:
Shelley. Model and fashion icon, she’s determined to blackmail her closeted, gay footballer husband into a lucrative divorce settlement…but Shelley has her own dark and destructive secret.
Joey. Handsome, young reality TV star and sex symbol. His career is in tatters after launching an expletive-laden attack against the Queen of England, but he’s determined to hang on to his celebrity even if it means slowly poisoning himself to death.
The Producer, a king in the world of entertainment, Rich, powerful, sexually deviant and a serial abuser of hopeful young wannabes.
Charlie. Morbidly obese, murderous Mafiosi adviser (and creature) to…
Janey. Musical superstar, mad, bad and dangerous to know. Janey consumes liquidized human fetuses in the belief this will preserve her youthful (or should that be vampiric?) good looks.
Johnny. Andrew’s partner, a psychopath with a heart of gold and voices in his head. He’s on a mission to murder as many celebrities as possible.
And when an ambitious young photographer snaps Janey in the middle of one of her disgusting meals, things begin to spin rapidly out of control for Andrew.
How will Andrew reconcile the demands of such disparate and desperate characters. And who’s going to end up dead?
I Really, Really Want It also features shocking cameo performances from a glittering list of famous, household names. Is your favorite celebrity in the book?
Thanks for visiting this blog. But who am I? Nothing special. I live in England. I have some strange ideas in my head. I struggle with understanding what this world is about: is it really all random? I am blessed with a loving husband and family and four beautiful dogs. I eat, drink, sleep and bleed if you cut me. I am different things to different people at different times. I am capable of great kindness, casual and thoughtless cruelty, amazing wisdom and breathtaking stupidity. I am chameleon, comedian and caricature (thank you, Mr. Bowie). I can reach for the stars or trawl the gutter. I can love or hate with equal ferocity. I have dark and primeval places in my mind that I fear to visit. I am simultaneously crushed and inspired by my heritage. Some days life leaves me bursting with joy, other days I am breathless with fear. I am a twitching bundle of insecurity and contradiction. I am flawed yet breathtakingly wonderful. I hold within me a power, grace and spirituality so intense that I cannot even begin to understand it. I am beautiful. I am human. I am me. I am you.
“I am nothing but mud and seawater, seasoned with a hint of consciousness.”
If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to email me direct at: email@example.com
This short piece is dedicated to my friend Tony Blair, lovable rogue, smiley-faced psychopath and one of the Devil’s Children.
I am a man of power and influence. And I’ve climbed a mountain of a million corpses to get here.
I am a man of fame, known the world over. And I’ve climbed a mountain of a million corpses to get here.
I am a man who knows Popes and Presidents. And I’ve climbed a mountain of a million corpses to get here.
I am a man of Faith and Religion. And I’ve climbed a mountain of a million corpses to get here.
I am a man who has a place in history. And I’ve climbed a mountain of a million corpses to get here.
I am a man who regrets nothing, for I know I am right. And I’ve climbed a mountain of a million corpses to get here.
I am a man of huge wealth, owner of many properties. And I’ve climbed a mountain of a million corpses to get here.
I am a man who has built an Empire and its foundation are the Blood And Bones Of Innocents, for I have climbed a mountain of a million corpses to get here.
As I write, the campaign to subvert a democratic vote (that of the British people for Brexit) is well under way, using the tried and trusted techniques of the elite – lies, smears, propaganda and agents-provocateurs.*
We now have 24/7 news coverage (ably led the paedophile-sheltering Oxbridge aristocracy of the BBC and the faux-leftists of The Guardian) of our ‘collapsing’ economy (last time I looked UK shares were up 1.8% today but why let truth get in the way of a good lie) – wages will go down, taxes up, house prices down, bankers moving to Paris (I’m struggling to see why that’s a bad thing…).
All over the country, sleazy members of the sleazy security services are daubing racist graffiti and leaving racist comments just to remind everyone that every single person who does not worship at the EU alter is absolutely racist. And that’s why they voted out. They are racists. You got that? Racists. I’ll say it again, just so you don’t forget. Racists. The out vote was nothing to do with the fact that the EU is run by an un-elected cabal of undemocratic old fascists, hell bent on ensuring the survival of a neo-liberal dictatorship which has overseen the rape of Greece, austerity that’s led to 50% youth unemployment in Southern Europe, insane and dangerous sanctions on Russia, created its own refugee crisis by bombing Libya and Syria, printed massive amounts of ‘free’ money to give away to criminal bankers and the One Percent and which is currently negotiating (in secret) TTIP with the US – a trade treaty which would be a bonfire of workers rights and would give unprecedented law-making powers to corporations. Oh no, it was nothing do with any of that. It was all about racism. All ‘leave’ voters are racist. Got that? Racists. That’s right, well done. Racists.
Meanwhile, our sorry excuse of a government, a motley group of rather unattractive bought and paid for Eton bum boys and super-annuated aristocrats, sits deliberately on its hands and does bugger all. That being a deliberate policy. Allow for two or three months for the fear to build and the 24/7 bad news propaganda to sink in and the Plebs will be begging for the UK to reverse course and not leave the EU. At that point some disgusting and amoral pretend ‘leave-ist’ will fulfill the mission laid out for them before the referendum campaign, swoop to assume Dickhead Cameron’s job and say something (in that inimitably idiot aristocratic/Oxbridge way of the ruling class) like ‘oh, humf, humf, well Brexit seemed a good idea at the time but, well, it was obviously a bloody awful one. Oh well, humf, humf, back in we go, chaps…’.
*The elites are not above murder to get their own way: don’t be surprised if, in the very near future, some poor Eastern European somewhere (probably in the working class racist ‘leave’ voter infested Grim North) is murdered as a result of (as the government’s propaganda ringpiece, the BBC, will tell us tirelessly for day after day after day) the new ‘atmosphere of intolerance’ that has infected the country ‘as a result of the leave vote’.
This is a story I wrote some time ago about a British politician – Bonty Liar – but with the prospect of Hillary Clinton (a very scary psychopath) becoming US president I thought I should update it…
Once upon a time… many, many years ago in a world long since forgotten, there was a country called Anywhere. And in the land of Anywhere there was a fine and prosperous city called Anyplace and in this city there lived, during the times of the ascendancy of the destructive and rapist Greedy One Percent, a politician called Killary Hinton.
Killary was a hugely corrupt and evil woman, most definitely one of the Devil’s Special Children, someone who had developed a fine mind but at the expense of her humanity; that was an empty space, a void that had been filled by naked ambition, greed and the reckless and dangerous needs of a dysfunctional sociopath.
From school, she entered the legal profession and soon, by dint of the fact that he was a good actor, an adept liar and lacking in social or moral conscious she, not surprisingly, did very well in her chosen career and was soon a Promising Young Lawyer.
It was at the Promising Young Lawyer stage that she was spotted by members of The Greedy One Percent, who were always on the lookout for bright, morality-free, personable young men and women they could manoeuvre into positions of Responsibility And Power.
And so the inducements began. Having a Feral Ability to sniff out Bad Character, The Greedy One Percent recognised Killary’s dysfunctional and strange sense of self-regard, her greed for money and power and sociopathic nature. They suggested to her that she might enter the World Of Politics where, should she but do their bidding, she could be very useful to them and they could offer to her in return fame, power and lots and lots of money: a huge advance for a book of her memoirs at a later point in the future, a Guaranteed Income Stream from speaking tours (addressing members of The One Percent), lucratively paid non-executive directorships on the boards of Banks And Corporations, well-rewarded contracts to write articles for The Means Of Communication…these were just some of the inducements offered to Killary to do The One Percent’s bidding.
Killary accepted everything offered gladly: she was, and always had been, fascinated by the extremely wealthy and was desperate to join their ranks.
Mentored by The One Percent, quietly supported by their money and noisily supported by their tame journalists in The Means Of Communication, Killary rose quickly in the Political Sphere, soon becoming Leader of her party and then Leader Of The Country.
Killary now proved her worth to The Greedy One Percent. If a law needed changing or abrogating to allow them to pursue a business that had previously been seen as unconscionable or illegal, Killary changed it. If a (rare as Trolls teeth) honest politician or journalist needed to be blackmailed or bludgeoned into silence, Killary wielded the club. If corrupt policy had to be justified by lies, Killary lied. If the Public Services or Benefits And Welfare had to be cut to impoverish The Ordinary Folk, Killary did the cutting. If an Illegal War needed to be started in a Far Flung Land to enable The Greedy One Percent to steal that land’s resources and (extra bonus) make even more money selling arms…well, Killary started it.
In short, Killary proved to be an Invaluable Servant of The Greedy One Percent. If anything, they came to realise that they had, in fact, underestimated her greed for money and power and the depths of her sociopathic leanings: Killary not only did what they wanted but during the course of her time as Leader, she managed to prostitute the entire Office Of Leadership to the sole purpose of enriching herself and her Owners.
I suppose it could be argued that The Ordinary Folk of Anywhere had some blame in the rise of Killary Hinton. Perhaps they should have noticed that the Cloak Of Liberalism she wrapped herself in was as threadbare and as transparently fake as that of her predecessor to the Leadership, Barrage Obomber. Perhaps they should have realised that her infuriating habit of smiling whenever she was talking was in fact a form of “Distraction Theft;” the cheesy grin distracting your eye whilst hands sneak round the back of you and steal your wallet, your Life Chances and the Lives Of Your Children. I suppose I would then have to say, how can people make informed decisions when The Means Of Communication function as a 24 hour, 7 day a week, 365 days a year Propaganda Mouthpiece for the wealthy and powerful?
Whatever the rights and wrongs and who was to blame, Killary accumulated vast amounts of Blood And Treasure and became a happy woman. And if her incredible success was built on the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Brown People in Far Flung Foreign Lands and the impoverishment of others in her own country…well, then, what of it? You Ordinary Folk are but A Detail Of History.
Now one particular day, three years after stepping down as Leader Of The Country, Killary (now an immensely wealthy non-executive director of numerous corporations and banks, columnist, after dinner speaker, author, property investor and, irony of ironies, Peace Envoy) was giving a speech (for a very nice fee) to a Select Group of Greedy One Percent Individuals. Comfortable and pompous, she stood there on stage, pontificating from behind a lectern. Then something very, very strange happened.
Killary had spent a good half hour lauding the Wonderful And Generous Nature of the fabulously Wealthy and their Inestimable Contribution To The Nation, extolling the virtues of the Magick of “Trickle Down” theory and was just about to start telling a series of Vile Lies about the Leader of a Far Flung Foreign land, that being to lay the ground work for Propaganda in the next day’s Means Of Communication that would eventually become justification for another Illegal War, when her Soul decided it had had enough.
For, oddly, despite spending a lifetime in Killary’s corrupt body, her Soul had remained Pure, close to God and In Equilibrium With The Universe. But as it saw yet more Filth And Lies coming down from Killary’s diseased and crazed mind, filth aimed at starting yet another war in which yet more Innocents would die, that Soul decided enough was enough. It had always tried to do its God-Given duty, had spent decades telling Killary, No Don’t Do That It’s Horrible. Always it had been ignored, always squeezed out by Killary’s lust for money and power, by her complete lack of regard for others. It could no longer abide listening to the screams of thousands of innocent men, women and children who had died in Killary’s wars. It would not be party to, once again, sending brave and idealistic young men and women to fight and die in wars that served no purpose other than to line the pockets of Ugly, Perverse Old Men who were already fabulously wealthy but Whose Greed Knew No Bounds. It was time to accept defeat and save itself from the Rampant Corruption that this woman, this Child Of The Devil, represented. It was off, it was out of here and on to That Which Lies Beyond.
As Killary uttered the first of her lies about the Leader of the Far Flung Foreign Land, her face became very red. Sweat broke out on her forehead and poured down her face, she paused as she spoke, discomfited by the intense heat that seemed to have flared up inside her. Then she moaned in pain as more heat bubbled up from somewhere deep, deep down. Steam came off her in great waves. She rolled her head back and screamed as her eyes turned completely white, like an egg yolk in a frying pan… clouds of smoke billowed from her mouth, nostrils and ears and she suddenly, and explosively, burst into flames, fire consuming her body as she stood at her lectern.
Terrified by such a spectacle, her Rich Guests ran screaming from the room, sparing them the site of Bonty’s flaming head exploding into tiny fragments as her Soul made its exit from her Vile Body, a fast-moving Incandescence, shooting upwards, smashing through the nearest window, out into Fresh And Sweet Air, making its escape across a Broad, Bright Blue Sky.
What was left of Killary’s body collapsed to the floor, lying smouldering by the lectern. And at that point the ground around began to shake and tremor and a large hole opened up in the ground by Killary’s remains. It was hole so deep that it reached down to Hell itself and from it issued Flame and the Nauseating Smell of Brimstone, and out of the Hole crept a Large, Scaly, Red Hand which snatched away the remains of Killary and dragged them down to Hell: the hand of the Devil himself, come to reclaim one of his Special Children.
And the moral of this tale is: never trust those who seek to put themselves in positions of authority above you. They are strange and twisted people – sociopaths, deviants, thieves and rapists, and they seek only to benefit themselves and their dark desires.
Taken from my book: The Devil’s Children. Available to download now:
I’ve never understood why people, particularly in Europe, accord any respect to Barack Obama. To me, he’s one especially evil mofo (as the Americans say).
He was elected, in a burst of irrational and wholly misplaced hope, riding high on the slogans ‘change’ and ‘yes we can’. Of course, once elected, Obama turned out to be just another puppetician. Like Bonty Liar in my tale ‘The Politician’s Story’ (read it after this piece) his talent to effortlessly dissemble (and his oh so useful sociopathic tendencies) were spotted at a young age by talent scouts of the Corporatocracy who financed and groomed him (in Obama’s case his early backer and financer was JP Morgan) all the way to the Presidency.
Once President, all Obama had to do, like Bonty Liar, was to be prepared to sell his soul, and his country, to global capital, to the Greedy One Percent; which ‘sacrifice’ he would be magnificently rewarded for.
So, let’s put some bones on my theory. Let’s look at what Obama said he would do, and what he did do.
If you remember, Obama’s campaign slogans were ‘change’ and ‘yes we can’. But how true were they?
Let’s start with ‘change’. I’m struggling with that one. Let’s ‘change’ that particular slogan to ‘change for the worse’. Yeh, okay, that’s good. Let’s run with it.
Now…’yes we can’. Hmm. Not working for me, let’s shuffle that about a bit. How about ‘no you can’t unless you’re very rich in which case, what the fuck, here’s the keys to the Kingdom’. Mmm. Yes. Like that one.
So, now we’ve got Obama’s real campaign slogans – change for the worse and no you can’t unless you’re very rich – we can get a better perspective on his 8 years in office, 8 years which have brought America and the world death, debt, misery and destruction.
Obama said he would end America’s illegal and murderous wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. No he didn’t.
In fact, Obama has proved to be one of the US’s most blood-soaked presidents ever. Not only are US troops still in Iraq and Afghanistan but Obama has launched new campaigns of death and destruction in Syria, Yemen, Sudan, Egypt and Libya, sullying the name of America by secretly arming, financing and training extremist Islamic terrorist movements (ISIS and various ‘moderate rebels’) to undermine-by-proxy nation states that America’s political and corporate aristocracy doesn’t agree with. Hundreds of thousands have died in Obama’s dirty not-so-little wars.
Obama’s blood lust is particularly in evidence in his love of drone killings, the incidence of which has soared to previously unscaled heights under Obama. I wonder, does Obama view these killings live in the White House situation room? When he sees innocent women and children at a wedding party blown to pieces, does he touch himself down there.?Does it give him a hard on?
Oh, Obama said he’d close the torture chamber that is Guantanamo. Hmm. Let me. Think. Oh..no he didn’t. Still there. Still open.
Obama’s also been a great meddler. Meddling in Latin America – using hybrid warfare and soft coups to undermine democratically elected leaders who aren’t playing by the rules of global capital. Let’s see, Obama has fucked/is in the process of fucking governments in Brazil, Argentina, Venezuela, Honduras and Ecuador.
Talking about meddling, let’s talk about Ukraine. The US spent billions of dollars to replace Ukraines’ government with one more to its choice. Hey, the new government is anti-semitic, fascist, incompetent and breathtakingly corrupt but, what the hell…it’s what the neo-cons and corporations wanted so that’s fine by Obama. By the way…the Russian’s didn’t annex Crimea, the people there (who are overwhelmingly ethnic Russians) voted (by 98%) in a referendum to JOIN Russia. Oh, and flight MH-17 wasn’t shot down by the Russians, it was shot down by a Ukrainian fighter. Sorry if that challenges your propaganda-based mindset and pisses you off but facts is facts and apples is apples.
Truth be told, Obama has meddled so much in things that are the concerns of Russia rather than America, trod so badly on the Russian Bear’s toes, that the world is now staring nuclear war in the face. Great. Cheers, Obama. Mate. I’ll think of you while I’m being vapourised.
Now, hold on. Let me think. Where else has Obama laid his blood-stained hand. Oh, yes. Israel. Obama has proved (whatever the pretend mood music) a staunch and reliable supporter of that horrible, fascist, genocidal country. He’s spent the last 8 years positively plying Israel with American taxpayers’ cash and lots and lots of lovely, lovely weapons which the Israeli government has enthusiastically used to slaughter unarmed Palestinian women and children (oh, no, sorry, they weren’t children…they were terrorists. Yes. Terrorists. Of course, Mr. Netanyahu, terrorists…small, child-like terrorists but terrorists nevertheless).
So. I think we can agree. Obama abroad has been a right evil fucker.
But what about Obama at home? Surely his domestic record must be better. I mean ‘change’ and ‘yes we can’ and all that…
Hmm. Sorry. It’s not good…
Black people in America are even more likely under Obama than previously to be shot dead in the street for the grievous offence of ‘walking whilst Black’. Black people in the US are still more likely to die younger than white people, more likely to be poor, more likely to be under-educated and still make up the largest single part of the fodder fed into America’s hugely corrupt and evil privatised-for –profit prison system/business.
Well, gotta hand it to you, Obama, you really sorted out that racism thing didn’t you?
Elsewhere, levels of overall poverty in America have risen to Depression era heights and the gap between the rich and poor is greater than ever: 45.6 million Americans are in receipt of food stamps and over 15 million American kids live in homes where they don’t get enough nutrition.
Okay. Let’s concede that Obama has ballsed up social policy. But what about the American economy. That’s going great, right? Well, er, actually no.
America’s economy is in steep decline, it’s hollowed out, it’s a dead man walking. That’s because Obama handed control of the economy over to the bankers who groomed and financed him. Almost one of the first things Obama did on becoming President was to give trillions of dollars to Wall Street so that it wouldn’t have to pay the price of the economic crisis it had, itself, created.
America now has a real unemployment rate of nearly 25% (the government lie figure of 5% doesn’t include people who’ve dropped out of the workforce because they’ve simply given up hope and stopped looking for work). Nearly all the jobs created in the US economy in the Obama years have been low-paying and low-skill…retail clerks and waitresses. Small business start ups are at an all time low and big US companies are falling behind their overseas rivals as (in Obama’s new banker-run, financialised economy) these companies would rather borrow money, buy back their stock and artificially inflate their share price so that top execs get massive bonuses than invest in research and development. Of course, that means those same companies now owe the banks lots of money. No problem, save money to pay the bankers by sacking American workers and shipping their jobs to slave wage economies.
In fact, the only growth sector in the US economy is plunder and pillage stolen from all those countries that Obama’s neo-con foreign policy has chosen to destroy.
Right. I’m happy with that. I think I’ve now conclusively proved that Obama is a total wanker. He is, and never was, anything other than a man who owed his position and loyalty to global capital and his own base, sociopathic desires and fuck America and the American people, long as Obama’s okay and he’s doing what his bosses tell him to do then all is well in Obama’s world.
More than a total wanker, Obama is a murderer and a war criminal, a man who has sown the seeds of World War 3 (seeds which nutty, dysfunctional weirdo and warmonger Hillary Clinton will be more than happy to germinate, but that’s another story for another day).